Depression, Suicide, and Me: Why I’m Talking

We all deal with things differently in life. Some of us can adjust and let things slide off like teflon; others take things and absorb them. It may be pressure, it may be feelings of doubt. Either way, it’s an inner pain that some do not let others know about, until it is too late.

Last week, the multi-talented Robin Williams took his own life. The reports were that he was battling depression and had been at a low point. Some called him a coward for committing suicide. You are wrong. Unless you’ve been on the edge, you don’t understand.

I posted this on Facebook on Aug. 12:

I’ve heard way too many people say that Robin Williams’ suspected suicide was a choice. It was. Because he may not have felt there was another way out. Do we truly know what he felt inside? All we saw was the imitations, the comedy, the fine acting. We did not know him after the lights went off. I find it hard to hear people say Robin Williams was a coward. Until you battle depression and reach the point where you want to kill yourself, please don’t tell me it’s cowardly. You don’t understand

I understood what Mr. Williams may have gone through because I’m still dealing with it. And that is depression. It is something I’ll deal with the rest of my life.

I had my own attempt at suicide when I was in college. I hit an extremely low point and I didn’t think it was very much worth it to live any longer. I wrote a note, downed some pills, drank a ton of alcohol. My hope was that the mixture would keep me from waking up again. But I did… thankfully. I thought I beat it, but three years ago, my depression returned.

Suicidal thoughts entered my mind. This time, though, I reached out for help. It was the best thing I have ever done. My AFSP-Logo-blockfamily doctor told me that it took a lot for me to admit that I needed that help. It was the first step in dealing with depression. That is why I’ve decided to lend a voice to those that have attempted or thought about suicide.

On Sept. 13, I will join hundreds of others in Buffalo, N.Y. for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s “Out of the Darkness” Walk. My team is called “Assemble for Strength” and the goal is to raise $1,000. If you feel empowered to support this cause, we would love to have you walk as part of our team. Want to give a dollar or more? Your efforts will assist AFSP’s vital research and education programs to prevent suicide and save lives. If what we do can support others around the country who have had the same thoughts as I did, we will go a long way to helping them down a better path.

You may see someone’s cheery personality and think they could never be dealing with depression. A person could be a dynamic speaker or a great mind in their industry. There’s no way they’d try to take their own life.

We never truly know what someone is going through, until we hear the news that they’ve committed suicide.

Please do not take this blog post as an attempt to capitalize on Robin Williams’ passing. It is an attempt to shine the spotlight of the grave nature of depression. I have a normal life with a great family. However, just because things seem normal does not mean that I don’t have days where I feel weak.

I sought help for my issues. It is my hope that if someone facing the same things reads this, they will reach out for help.

If you need help, there are many professionals in your town or city. Your healthcare provider can also give you the name(s) of someone who you can talk to one-on-one.

Thanks for listening.


About JasMollica

"It's never too late to have a life and it's never too late to change one." That's something I tell students, friends, and family all the time. After living and working in New York City, I took my own advice in 2004, switched my career from the television/radio industry and got into public relations. Now, I spend my days as a PR/social media marketing consultant and get inspired daily. It's been a good ride, so far. But the car has plenty of gas left. I hope you'll join along in this guy's journey!

Posted on August 19, 2014, in Personal Journey and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. Great post Jason, takes a lot to share this. I have lost two people very close to me to suicide and it is certainly something that needs to be understood on a larger level and talked about more openly.

    • Hi Brianna,
      I’m hoping that by sharing my story, others will reach out to ask for help. It’s not easy. My thoughts are with you for those you’ve lost to suicide.

  2. Excellent post, Jason! There are times in our lives that no one else but us can understand the pain that we are feeling. Knowing when to ask for help is the key. Thank you for lending your voice to help encourage others to ask for help. Brave post and you rocked it.

    • Thanks, Steph! I appreciate you saying that. Writing this was a way to take the next step. Walking for those who suffer with depression and/or take their lives, is another way I can help.

  3. Paula Kiger (Big Green Pen)

    As Brianna and Stephanie said, this is a great post. I appreciate your candor and hope your walk goes well.

  4. Jason – thank you for sharing this post. As a two-time Out of the Darkness walker for both myself and as support for close friends, I have seen the power of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Walking 20 miles in support of this cause was a challenge, but ending the walk as the sun rose was one of the most moving events I’ve ever experienced. Thanks for bringing back those positive memories for me.

    • Thank you for sharing your experiences with AFSP. I’m looking forward to supporting them and people who feel like there is no way out, but suicide. I’ll be walking to support those you know, as well.

  5. This was an extremely thoughtful post and you’re right, we don’t know what was it was like for Robin when the lights went off, just like we may not know those who suffer with depression. I wish you luck on your “Out of Darkness” walk

  6. Hi Jason, Pardon my delay but I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your post. It takes a lot of courage to share your story and for all of us (myself included) who have been to that dark place, thank you for being brave. I’ve been there, debated my life and did, at times, feel like there was no way out. Thanks to a great support system, I regained control of my life. Anxiety is a battle I fight often but I use journaling and being near positive people as a way to maintain a healthy mental state. Yoga also does wonders! People need to realize mental illness or instability is real (so is anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts). Your post is one way to destigmatize mental health issues. I will donating to your walk as well! You are an inspiration!

    • Alex,
      Thank you for taking the time to read the post and to comment. There are many like us who have been to the dark place. Some have come back into the light, others haven’t. I’m hoping that the blog post and by walking will in some way help to raise awareness. I also hope it will allow others to come out of the darkness and speak about what they feel.


  1. Pingback: ECBC Day 2: How Would You Kill Yourself? | Elias Cresh

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